Parenting Pointers

Parenting Tips

Money in My Pocket

This book is about introducing kids to the concept of money using a bi-weekly allowance
The ‘lesson’ taught by the father is a sample lesson of how parents can teach their own children about what money is
Money can be spent, yes, but money is used to invest in items that bring us benefit
Investing is based on money saved, which means “using money” begins with saving money; “a penny saved is a penny earned” is a common phrase that can be used to explain how saving money is important
Parents can assist by helping their child plan out their purchases well in advance – a bike, a car, a house, college education, retirement, etc. Part of creating a plan or a specific goal is (1) to give it a timeline, (2) ensure that it is, in fact, attainable within that timeline and (3) to ensure that the goal is realistic.
Notice that, at the end of the story, Yusuf shares the joy of his hard earned prize with his sister first; teaching kids to share what they have been given by Allah is essential to the development of empathy in their hearts
A suggested resource for parents to read BEFORE initiating an allowance system with their child(ren) is: “The Opposite of Spoiled” by Ron Lieber
Guidelines, based on a child’s age have been created by the Canadian Federal Government and can be found at: https://goo.gl/pTA1rQ

The Secret Hiding Place

This book focuses on teaching kids about the existence of Allah/God using a simple task: find a hiding place where even Allah/God wouldn’t know!
The story begins with an Eid Party for the Deen Street Kids; celebrations are essential for our children, especially in a multi-cultural, multi-faith society as kids need to know they, too, have faith-based celebrations.
The Eid Party showcases different ways that kids can enjoy a celebration in an Islamic manner – not just the celebration, but a lesson to be learned as well. A suggestion for parents is to include a lesson or some type of learning at each Eid celebration. It could include song/nasheed writing, Qur’an recitation, a Jeopardy game with questions about Islam, du’a colouring sheets, etc.
This is demonstrated in this book; notice that the lesson occurs before the festivities with a simple reminder from the Qur’an, an easy du’a to remember and an opportunity for kids to recognize the bounties of Allah by reflecting upon what they are grateful for. The essence of worship is turning to Allah in gratefulness and this is what “the few” do. So when parents want their kids to join them in prayer, an easy question to ask is “What are you grateful for?” and then teach them that the prayer is the physical manifestation of saying “Thank you” to Allah.
When Ali teaches his peers about Allah, notice that the teacher (Farhan) does not interrupt or take over the conversation. This simple tactic actually empowers the kids and allows them to share in this understanding by adding their own two cents. In this way, parents can facilitate a conversation with their kids and allow them to share their knowledge.
Notice that Yusuf’s question could be misconstrued as rude or challenging; however, because his tone of voice and body language indicate empathy, his comment is well-received. Often, kids have good intentions but don’t know how to communicate effectively – so, parents can spend time with their kids practicing how to talk nicely, how to use tone of voice and body language to appear positive.
For parents looking to teach and/or learn about Islam as a family, a recommended author is Yahiya Emerick. Two books which would be useful to start with are: “What Islam is All About” and “The Meaning of the Holy Qur’an for School Children.”

Short Story Day

In “Short Story Day” the Deen Street Kids have a chance to share their stories with each other and to present to the orphans at Omar’s Orphanage
The central theme in this story is about bullying and it begins with the Deen Street Kids relating an incident that occurred in the summer. The book that Farhan is holding would be a great addition for parents to have in their home – it’s called “One” by Kathryn Otoshi.
Notice how the kids deal with the bully by making use of adult resources and then supporting each other as a team – but not in a way that displays poor character. Parents can teach their kids about the character of the Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) and how he handled bullying. A great narration that parents could point out here is that the Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) said, “I came for no other reason than to perfect good character.” This narration indicates that the very essence of being Muslim is having the best character.
Notice how Uncle Omar handles the bully as an adult; he does not raise his voice or take a side. Rather, he demonstrates compassion and empathy.
Parents can use Uncle Omar’s lesson to discuss bullying with their children; how bullying starts and how to be nice and tough or firm simultaneously.
A great resource for parents is called “The Juice Box Bully” by Sornson and Dismondy.

What Goes Around

This story is about the responsibility of being the eldest child. This is often overlooked by parents and helps us see what life is like from the point of view of a child living with sibling hierarchy.
Parents can ask themselves the question, “how much of a load am I putting on the shoulders of my eldest child?” and “how often am I recognizing that load and thanking or supporting my eldest child?” This book is not telling parents to stop giving responsibility to our children, rather it’s about supporting our children with whatever responsibility they have and acknowledging that there is a growth curve each day with each added responsibility.
Parents can use a ‘third party,’ at times, to assist with their child’s understanding of topic or role. Use of a ‘third party’ shows the child that seeking help from outside is okay and that it’s okay to not always have all the answers. This can also help establish a support system for our children as they get older and want to hear a third perspective from a trusted, parent-approved source.
What goes around, comes around is often used in a negative context, but in this story it is used as a positive connotation. Parents can consider explicitly teaching younger siblings to display their gratefulness to their older siblings through simple tasks such as getting a glass of water, or a pillow. This helps bond siblings around the concept of sadaqah – charity through sharing of resources such as toys or food or time.
A great resource that parents can access is called: “How to Talk so Kids Will Listen and Listen, So Kids Will Talk” by Faber & Mazlish
Another book, which helps foster a culture of community in the home, is called: “Have You Filled a Bucket Today” by Carol McCloud

Nightmare on Deen Street

In this unique story, Yahya learns what it’s like to be the younger sibling.
Parents can use this story to help the older/elder children to remember what life was like when they were younger – that they were just as annoying as their younger siblings are! Parents may use the refrain, “well, when you were five years old, do you know what you did?”
Parents can speak to the elder siblings about compassion, mercy and patience. Parents can talk about empathy and viewing their younger siblings as a source of sadaqa to earn good deeds.
Parents can also explore the concept of selfishness and selflessness with their kids; teaching kids how to give and how to derive happiness from giving by knowing that Allah is going to be pleased with their attitude and outlook.
Another area of growth for the older siblings is to understand that their Pre-Frontal Cortex (area of the brain, behind the forehead, responsible for reasoning and thinking skills) is much more developed then their younger siblings – this means that the younger siblings don’t have any real control over their behaviour – yet! Keep hope alive, though, as the behaviour of the younger siblings will continue to improve.
An online resource which parents may find useful is: http://kidshealth.org/en/parents/sibling-rivalry.html

Roommates for Life

This story is about how the elder child can take on a leadership role between siblings
Notice how the decision for living arrangements to change was a joint decision in the family and that the father openly thanks the family for helping him
The premise is that siblings are “friends.” It is essential that parents teach their children to use this term of endearment from an early age and to reinforce it by referring to each sibling as friends of one another. Why? Because the definition of friendship is to overlook faults for the greater good. Sibling rivalries often occur when each child nitpicks are minor faults and assigns blame to the other, sometimes coupled with name-calling. Parents can help the relationship grow by teaching what friendship means and why it’s important to focus on each others’ strengths and to fill in each others’ challenges
Notice how the mother points out that Fatima’s mood has changed. Parents do need to pay attention to changes in body language and tone in their children so they can invite a conversation of support around whatever the barrier or problem is.
Parents can help their children by teaching them the importance of being respectful to each other’s belongings. A question can be asked, “What would happen if someone broke your toy? Or, drooled on your favourite sweater?”
Parents can address the common concerns of the elder child by providing an opportunity for leadership. Elder children can role model behaviour and can patiently teach their younger siblings to be respectful, clean, kind, etc.
Note the conversation that Ruqaya has with Fatima toward the end of the book; in this moment Ruqaya models empathy, humility and respectful language. This is important for the elder sibling to know that they have also made mistakes and it opens an opportunity to strengthen the friendship between siblings. A resource for parents to look into, regarding sibling rivalries, is: “Siblings Without Rivalry: How to Help Your Children Live Together So You Can Live Too” by Faber & Mazlish.